At times we fall into darkness because we are dealing with those thoughts that has been thrown to us from those who are supposed to love us or from our own mind causing us to doubt who we are. Sometimes our thoughts destroy our souls or our loved one can wound our hearts.
When I was grieving, I remember having thoughts from my mind and hearing the words you have failed and now you are exposed. It is understandable that one would feel exposed when you have been left behind and also feel exposed. A friend mentioned to me that being a lone child who lost both parents is a disadvantage because most days she feels alone.
She said there are deep issues and feelings she cannot share because she has no one to talk to. The fear of loneliness, the fear of defeat from loss is because some of us don’t have a faith in someone Higher than us to hold onto.

There are many of those who have similar worries, and this is likely to cause anxiety and stress. My mother-in-law and I discussed the passing of my father-in-law and she gave me consent to share her thoughts on grief reaction. She told me about fear and reported that negative thoughts were running amok in her mind. I was even shocked to hear her telling me that she heard voices from her mind asking her funny questions for example; “isn't it you who were married, so who are you married to now?” She went on to explain that the next questions were; “the children call you mother because you had a husband now what will they call you? Do you think that the children will still respect you when you have lost him?” The anxiety and fear of being left can trigger some negative thoughts such that if you don’t have someone who can walk with you in that journey these thoughts can escalate and trigger conditions like general anxiety disorder and depression.

The fear of loneliness, the fear of defeat from loss is because some of us don’t have a faith in someone Higher than us to hold onto.

She also told me what did not surprise me, she said; “I wanted to die that night when I was battling with these thoughts”. I can confirm that, since it once came to my thoughts. I could also understand how someone can become addicted to alcohol or drugs because I wished I was not going to wake up when I was in the deep darkness of grief. She summarised the feeling by saying; “I felt that I should just walk into the mountains find a cave where I can hide and die there. I didn't want to see any human being near me or hear the birds chirping''. She also described feeling lonely, scared and alone with these tormenting voice in her mind.

I asked her how she came out of this state and she told me that she held onto her faith. She also informed me that if she didn’t have faith, she wouldn't have known that the negative voice in her head had no power over her so she would have died. She described such a period as a “very dangerous space because I didn't know what was going on and I couldn't understand it either.
If I had died people wouldn't have understood it either. Standing on the word strengthened me to stand up and start moving". This became close to home for me. Like some cultures we also come out of a culture which doesn't discuss the impact of loss. I am so grateful to mama for sharing her feelings and her experience with me to also pass on the message to you.
A question for you guys is, what do you think of this contribution from a woman who is over 80 years old? I am so privileged to have a sneak peek into her emotions.
In my opinion many more of us would start healing when we start talking. When the darkness pressed in on me during my time of distress after loss, I found peace because I knew that God is with me and that the divinity in the Holy Spirit lives in me to comfort me. When push comes to show who do you call upon or rely on? Do you have an ancestral cry that helps you? Do you believe in any Higher power that will help you? Let me know the different ways you coped when you were on the long journey of dealing with grief.